I’d like to share a few observations of mine, each dictated by their own root emotion attached to a specific color (colors are fun!) I will say, acknowledging that it’s often mentioned with the following core set, I’m going to skip ‘sadness.’ While very brief portions of this post will be slightly negative, I’m not sure I feel too motivated right now to flesh out, for you, the incessant, bubbling sadness that churns away in the more tender and therefore often guarded portions of my soul. Maybe another time. Maybe never.

Red – Anger

Losing

Baseball is very soothing to me. The deliberate pace of it all. The romantic sights of a dimming skyline. The borderline-hypnotic smells of fried dinners and crunchy snacks. The crack of the bat. The pat of the mitt. It’s my favorite escape to attend. It’s my happy place.

What I don’t like is when the New York Yankees, my favorite team, lose to their greatest rival, the Boston Red Sox, in the way they did last Friday. If you’re not a sports fan, fear not: I won’t linger here. Essentially, what happened can only be described as a wildly unlikely choke. A two-run home run where the Red Sox tied the game on the last pitch followed by another two-run home run to win the game in extra innings. I was there. The locals weren’t thrilled. That being said, and this may be a bit of a cop out in the latter part of the ‘anger section,’ it was pretty electric. Those Red Sox fans were loud. Baseball, man.

Orange – Fear

Control

I’ve been sober for about 17 and a half months now, but there’s still an undeniable part of me that fears losing this version of myself that I’ve found. I know the implosion can be quick. Some days are hard, I can’t lie, even this far out. I still get the cravings, especially in situations of social discomfort. It’s a constant struggle, I guess. I’m extremely fortunate to have a solid and reliable support network of people around me. Not everyone has this, so I do my best to assure those close to me that I’m here to help, too, if they need, because I know how good it feels to have people show that they care about you, especially your struggles.

Yellow – Love

Wisdom

I love the progressively-filling internal bank of wisdom one accrues over time, from both personal experiences and others. And I don’t try to mean it in an artsy, pretentious way (although it’s not really up to me.) I’m 28. There’s so much more to find.

Let me explain it a little differently: I love the freedom to reflect on past mistakes and learn from them, coupled with the permission to forgive oneself and other people for making them. Accessing this important tool seems to, again, according to my admittedly young understanding, require a fair amount of life experience, but the relief…oh, the relief. Like jettisoning unnecessary weight into the ocean.

“Goodbye… *checks list of items to jettison* …memory of a young Alex getting absolutely brutalized by customers at the deli he used to work in. I forgive you. You, too, high school Alex. You’ll wrap that steak a bit tighter next time.”

Green – Joy

The Little Things

They’re not kidding when they tell you that it’s the little things in life that make the biggest difference. Paradoxically, the little things ARE the big things. I think, for a long time, I used to be all too heavily influenced by the media’s presentation of what various lives look like, and more specifically, the things we’re told will make us happy. Too often did I apply other people’s personal benchmarks, goals, triumphs, and even failures to my own blueprint when, in reality, we all walk our own paths at our own paces.

I don’t think I need to strive for other people’s ideas of success anymore. That’s not to say that I won’t continue to grow and achieve. Far from it, but it’s the quiet moments with a coffee or a song or a friend that really stick with a person if they remember to pay attention. If I decide that those are the moments that make a person truly wealthy, then I’m already a very rich man.

Blue – Surprise

The Ability to Change

It continues to surprise me how much power we have over ourselves, for the most part. I try to be more flexible of mind because of it. We can change our opinions, our perceptions, our emotions far more quickly than I would have anticipated at a younger age. Just takes practice and a willingness to be honest about what you find when you look at yourself.

Something else I’m surprised about? That I went on for this long. We did it, friends. Deep breaths. For a palate cleanser, here’s a tweet about actor Glen Powell that makes me chuckle every now and then: