Nowadays, every time I sit down to meditate, I know what I’m getting myself into. After years of practice, I’ve realized that it’s impossible to avoid distraction. This idealized version of a modern-day Buddha is beyond realistic. You’re going to lose focus, and you’re going to come across things that bother you in the moment, and all of that’s just fine.

I sit down, I focus on my breath. In for three seconds, hold for three seconds, out for three seconds. Again and again. The magic of self-control. The eternal wisdom of time. What a rich opportunity we have. To be. To experience. To both share and receive each other’s expressions of emotion, simultaneously, as individuals and as a collective.

“What have you done?”

“What are you interested in?”

“You made that?”  

“I made this!”

“Why is that cat looking at me funny?”

“Is there something it wants from me???”

“What can I, Alexander Wilson, do for this cat to ensure it has a comfortable and relaxed afternoon?????”

Back to the breath.

In. Out. In. Out.

You know, self-proclaimed thought leaders bother me a bit. I feel for people flocking to those with hollow charisma.

“But Alex, who are you to decide who’s real and who’s fake?”

I hear ya, but let me say this: Just because a person presents ideas with confidence doesn’t mean they know what they’re talking about (yes, including me, although I might argue that cheeky comments within parentheses run the risk of broadcasting a hesitance to fully commit to an idea.) If anything, I’d be wary of specifically those whose entire business model centers around attracting and maintaining the ‘down and out’ types. Their success hinges on their community of followers maintaining resentment and frustration as they continue to assure them that they’re helping.

Misery loves company. Gross.

Oh, right…the breath.

Breathing in now. Don’t worry, I’ll breathe out in a bit, too.

It’s the repetition that leads to a shift in approach. If it’s the mind that bothers you (and if you’re anything like me, the threat of loss of control), realize that, as the meditation continues, you’re having the same, or very similar, physical reactions to focusing on the breath as you are any distracting thoughts that come up.

That hilarious thing your friend did? Back to the breath. Same reaction.

A potentially awkward hypothetical with a coworker that may or may not happen? Back to the breath. Same reaction.

The time you bombed a presentation in college because you were too hungover? Breath. Same reaction (ok, maybe a bit of a wince.)

Once you prove to yourself that you can be “safe” confronting any thoughts that arise in your thought stream, or just as safe as you are when watching the ebbing and flowing of the breath, then what personal thought patterns CAN’T you dissect?

Run at the stressful catalysts. You’ve changed. You’re stronger than you know and you’re ready to face the nagging with a fresh perspective. Do the mental work, it’s worth it.

Ah, yes, back to the breath.

In for three seconds.

REMEMBER THAT TIME JOHN TRAVOLTA COULDN’T PRONOUNCE THE NAME ‘IDINA MENZEL???’

Now back to the fuckin’ breath.

OK, well, I’m going to go lay down. Here’s my favorite joke from the late comedian Mitch Hedberg: